I am glad I can’t understand God. Even though one of my goals is to know Him better all the time, I know that I will never be able to know Him completely this side of heaven. That does not disappoint me, I am glad for it. I must admit that there are times I wish I could know His mind and have the answers to some of my questions and problems.
Right now we are house hunting and I know He has a plan and has a house all picked out for us, but there are moments I wish He would just show me now. Our dollar is plummeting on our field right now and we are losing ground everyday that goes by. Between inflation and the drop in the dollar, we have lost well over 30% of our buying power since we arrived a little less than two years ago.
I have decided to view this as a chance to see where my faith stands. Do I trust God even when I can’t understand what He is doing? We say it is easy to trust when we can understand what is happening, but in truth, that is not trust. We can only measure our trust in God when we have to walk in faith, without seeing and understanding. It is a chance to live what I teach others. Can I rest in my faith in God? Or do I lose sleep and worry? I seem to be doing okay right now as to our housing situation. I wish I could say that all my tests go this well, but I can’t and this one isn’t over yet so I still don’t have a passing grade. It seems that it is harder to trust in some areas of my life than others. I am not sure why that is. It is the same God in charge. He is not less capable in one area than in another. The answer must be in me, my interest in what is happening and how much I feel I have to lose if I don’t get what I want. But then I don’t have the long range view that God has. I don’t have the all encompassing knowledge He has. This means that I am not really in a position to know what the best decision is in any given situation. There are times I think I know; I feel I have all the needed information. At those times it would be easy to lean on my own understanding. In truth I lack the clarity and impartiality that God has, I have a personal bias.
I am glad that His ways are higher than mine, that He knows what is best for me and all others involved. If I could understand God and His ways, then I could make the decisions myself. But if I could understand God that way, it would mean that He is no bigger than I, that I am His equal. That wouldn’t make me bigger; it would only make Him smaller. I don’t want a small God. I want a big God. I want to have to grow in faith each day as I walk through life. I don’t want an easy life without trials and hardships, where I always get what I want when I want it. I don’t want to forget that I have a big God that knows more than I do and that I need to trust him and walk in faith knowing that He has a plan for me.
